the passing of the torch

Yesterday, I fulfilled my big sister duties and took my younger sister to her high school orientation. I took her to the same classroom I went to, and she sat in the same chair I sat in, and she signed up for the same classes that I took. I found myself zoning out halfway through the meeting and was struck with this overwhelming sense of deja vu. You know in the movies when someone seems to see something that isn't there, but they can see it so clearly that its almost real? That's what it was like. I saw myself four years ago, so different than the way I am now, yet so similar. I saw myself laughing at Mr. Miller and blushing when he complemented me on being in all the smart kid classes. I saw my parents there (together) and remembered being so terrible frightened of high school.

Now, I'm sitting in my 3rd block class. I'm a senior and I'm graduating in like three months. I'll be going to my very last prom and taking my very last AP exam before then. Those people in the picture? That's my entire class. Some of those people I love with everything that I have. Some of those people I really wish would die. And a great many of those people I don't know nearly enough. In a few months, I'll never have to see most of them again. I'll never have to pretend to be nice to any of them. I'll never have to sit in class with them ever again. In a way this is comforting, but at the same time, it is the most terrifying thing I've ever known.

All of a sudden, I feel so very old and mature. I know this isn't the case but still. I'll miss this place. I'll miss these people and these teachers. All in all, I'd say I had a pretty good run. I hope my sister has just a great a time as I had. I mean, don't get me wrong, most of my sophomore and junior years were excruciating. But sometimes, you gotta look at the good stuff ya know? Like football games every friday night. And dancing like a fool at Homecoming and Prom. Signing up for classes and trying to avoid the Great Enforcer. Listening to Kise bitch and moan about what is and isn't appropriate for the yearbook. Going to the snack machine and hoping you don't have an inclusion class. Fighting Mrs. Roler about getting your schedule right. Making friends and losing friends and wishing those guys would just STOP farting in homeroom.

Have fun, Rachael. Don't take it for granted.