What Goes Around

I don't even think I could justify the awesomeness of this with words. I love T. Swizzle. She might be my hero after this. Tay Swift one time! Goddang.

(Note: "What Goes Around" previously by Justin Timberlake, now rocked by Tay Swift.)

Shelter from the Storm

So it's finally time for that big change everyone keeps talking about. We're all going to college in the next few weeks, all going "our different ways" if you will. Surprisingly, it's kind of a nice feeling. I used to dread the fact that this time was coming so soon. I didn't want to lose any friends. What I've come to realize is that losing friends isn't a consequence of going to college or moving towns or any outside circumstances, really. The reason why people lose friends is because they decide to. We should all just stop blaming college, methinks. It's not higher education's fault. The friends we do lose touch with are merely victims of having fulfilled their purpose.

For example, I believe that people are thrown into our lives for a purpose. Some are there to help you through the most impossible time in your life. Some are there to teach you lessons. And some, some people are there for the long haul. You never really know which of your friends fall into which category until you know. That's just the way it works. Friendship is kind of like an onion that way. You keep peeling off layers as you go through different stages in your life until you get to the lucky (or unlucky) few that carry on to the next stage. Sometimes, though, people really freaking surprise you.

I love how, now that high school is over and we're all moving on, people are starting to reveal what they really think about everyone. It gets that way. Like after elementary school you weren't friends with everyone anymore, just your people. Frankly, I'm quite flattered that some people were only friends with me as long as it was convenient for them. Means I'm good for something. I'm a firm believer that everyone is actively using everyone else for something at some point. Whether it be social status, sex, or just for company. Why do you think some people even have friends in the first place? When it comes down to it, people are wholly selfish human beings. It's okay though, because everyone is pretty much upfront about that fact. I still believe though, that even though we're all looking out for numero uno, every once in a while people evolve. They become better people--people who aren't selfish at all. That's the goal, right? It's not attractive to be cynical all the time. You've gotta have hope. It's the thing with feathers after all.

I like to think I turned out okay. I don't really go to church regularly but everytime I visit my friend Bailey, her family usually gets me to go. I don't think I'm too terribly close-minded or ignorant. I'm not too trusting. Despite contrasting opinions, whenever I love someone, I love them with everything I have. Sometimes, I think it's my greatest flaw. I expect too much from people and am always shocked when they let me down. Although I'm sometimes a cynic and like to hide behind a tough outer shell, I'm a softie at heart. It's not really a good disguise because anyone who really knows me is aware that I'm really just a bumbling girl on the inside. I've dabbled in things I probably shouldn't have but hey, who hasn't? I'm not a hoochie mamma. I've only ever truly cared about one boy and despite everything, I like to view that relationship as real and pure. I've got some damn good friends and by God, I love those crazy bitches and those awesome dudes. You guys know who you are.

All in all, I couldn't be happier with the way this chapter ended. We had some good times these past four years. We've also had some bad ones. I think its safe to say, Commerce High School will never be the same...seeing as how they're tearing it down. Everyone's changed in some major way. But you know what they say, the more thing's change, the more they stay the same. I think I speak for everyone when I say, here's hoping.

(Note: "Shelter from the Storm" is a song by Bob Dylan, and yeah those are two roads diverged in a yellow wood. Shout out to my boy Robert Frost and my Class of 2009 homies. Definately a memorable graduation speech theme seeing as how we've all heard that poem a million times.)

Everything Is Not What It Seems

I think I finally understand the magic of children's television. And why everyone is so obsessed with Hannah Montana. And why more people watch the Disney Channel than the A&E.

Kids' TV is easy and simple and fun. In a world where everyone is obsessed with ruining their lives and making everyone miserable, easy little Disney Channel shows are awesome. I generally try to lose myself in emotionally charged shows like Grey's Anatomy and LOST. But sometimes, these shows are depressing and upsetting as real life. And yet despite near-death experiences, magical elevators, polar bears in the tropics, and ridiculously romantic love stories, Grey's and LOST are still believable. Watching kids' TV, everything is unbelievably happy and bright. There are no complex plot lines to decipher and no episodes that are so sad you wish you were dead. I'm not saying my Emmy winning shows aren't worth it anymore-far from it. I'm just saying sometimes, I need a little bright and shiny.

So, I'm off to finish watching The Wizards of Waverly Place marathon that I have been enjoying for several hours. And when I leave to go meet my friends, damned if I'm not popping in the Demi Lovato CD I just bought. My apologies to Regina Spektor who was previously dominating my radio.

(Note: Everything Is Not What It Seems is the theme song to The Wizards of Waverly Place and sung by Selena Gomez.)

There Is A Light That Never Goes Out

Sometimes, I'm just too freaking tired to do it anymore.

Sometimes, I really just really freaking hate you to the point where I wish we'd never met.

Sometimes, I think you're full of shit.

Sometimes, I want to sit you down and tell you exactly what I think about your miserable excuse of a life.

Sometimes, I'm attracted to you.

Sometimes, I think I did it just so I could be near you. And sometimes, I think that's pathetic.

Sometimes, I know I made the right choice.

Sometimes, I resent you.

Sometimes, I really wish that you didn't exist. Like, ever.

Sometimes, I am so jealous of you I can't stand it.

Sometimes, I feel so alone. I don't like to feel alone. I'm a person who needs people. People are better than no people, right?

I'm stubborn. I dislike authority figures. I'm a good friend. I like to read books, lots of books. I don't open up to people very well and for good reason. The older I get, the more I see that you can't give your whole self to a person. I'm outgoing. I like to party. I'm impulsive. I'm up for just about anything. I like adventure. The thought of living a boring life scares me. I believe you have to go out there and live to truly be alive. I like the ocean when it isn't murky and gross. I love the feel of cold grass on my feet. I love to listen to music- all kinds of music. I like driving in my car completely alone except for the radio. I want to be able to trust people again. The list of people I truly trust is dwindling. I believe in magic and life on other planets. I think that if we hope hard enough, anything can happen. Money can't buy you happiness and sorrows know how to swim. I'm indecisive. It takes me forever to make a decision. I hate it when people manipulate me. I hate it when people underestimate me. My political views vary depending on the issue. I believe that people are destroying the Earth but I'm not an environmentalist. It just seems too trendy. Whenever I feel bad I like to either a) dance it out, b) cry, or c) drink tequila.

This is who I am...mostly. I don't care if you don't like it and I don't care if it offends you. I also don't give a shit if you want to continue riding your high freaking horse. Whatever. And I don't really have a reason for this, I just felt like bitching and I know that unlike everyone else on the planet, my blog listens and doesn't have it's own freaking opinions to share. Thank the gods.

(Note: The song is by The Smiths who are awesome and stuff. And in the picture, I feel like that girl in the corner, metaphorically speaking of course because I don't know how to tango very well. Only slightly.)

You Belong With Me

You know on TV shows, books, and movies when there's these two people who are like, obviously going to end up together but they insist on making it incredibly difficult for each other? Well for me, that's the real life story of two of my very best friends that I've known forever. For anonymity's sake let's call them...Elizabeth and Mr.Darcy.

Now, Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy's tale is epic. They've known each other since before preschool, they're families have known each other forever, and they're all around just meant to be. So, once upon a time, Mr. Darcy professes his love for Elizabeth but of course Elizabeth doesn't take him seriously. For whatever reason (pride, fear, stupidity?) Elizabeth turns him down. Now, Mr. Darcy picks up his pride and the pieces of his poor little heart and tries to move on. Elizabeth even suggests the village...escort to bring him out of his slump, after all they've always been best friends. Meanwhile, Elizabeth tries dating Mr. Wickham who is, in fact, a good-for-nothing son-of-a-bitch. Elizabeth doesn't find this out until later of course. After the dust settles and Mr. Wickham is long gone, Elizabeth realizes her true and devoted love for her best friend, Mr. Darcy. However, Mr. Darcy is now dating Elizabeth friend...Charlotte. Elizabeth resists telling Mr. Darcy her true feelings out of respect for Charlotte. However, Charlotte and Mr. Darcy don't last long because those kinds of relationships never do, obviously. Plus, it just so happens that Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy will be travelling out of the country together.

Now, at this tropical rendezvous Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy act on their (obviously mutual) feelings whilst slightly inebriated. Instead of talking about it afterwards or even, I don't know, actually saying HOW THEY FEEL, they merely ignore it and continue about their lives. I am proud that they made at least a definite step forward. Because, to any sane person (outside the situation, of course) it's obvious that they love each other and will eventually get married. It's only a matter of time. Anyone who's read Pride and Prejudice knows that Elizabeth eventually admits her feelings to Mr. Darcy's bitchy aunt and whenever he finds out he rushes to her and says:

“You are too generous to trifle with me. If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes are unchanged, but one word from you will silence me on this subject forever.”

To which readers are given Elizabeth's internal struggle: "Elizabeth feeling all the more than common awkwardness and anxiety of his situation, now forced herself to speak; and immediately, though not very fluently, gave him to understand, that her sentiments had undergone so material a change, since the period to which he alluded, as to make her receive with gratitude and pleasure, his present assurances."

Which all basically means they finally, finally, finally, told the effing truth. I mean seriously, Elizabeth just swallow that pride and give him the old one-two. Tell him like it is. Men can't do anything for themselves they need a little prodding. Especially this particular Mr. Darcy. You're gonna have to get right up in his face and say:

"Okay, here it is, your choice... it's simple, her or me, and I'm sure she is really great. But (insert name here), I love you, in a really, really big pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window, unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you. So pick me, choose me, love me."

Elizabeth's everywhere eventually have to say it. We all eventually have to give up that power, that pride and put it all out there in the open. It's scary and it can hurt like hell, but in the end saying it beats the hell out of never trying.

(Note: I'd like to dedicate this blog to "Elizabeth" I love you and I'm proud of you. Title comes from "You Belong With Me" by Taylor Swift)