these are the roles we choose to play

Like any honest person, I enjoy a good love triangle. However, today as I was watching Dawson's Creek, I realized something. First off, everyone has their own opinions as to who should end up with who. My question is: what is this based on? How are we CONVINCED of who belongs with whom?

In my (very flawed) opinion, Joey belonged with Pacey all along. Leia was always going to be with Han even before she found out Luke was her brother. Kate and Sawyer are meant to be, even though I love Juliet. Hermione should have been with Harry because both Ron and Ginny are absolutely ridiculous. Buffy and Angel are just supposed to be together regardless of the whole vampire/slayer deal and that whole Spike thing. Bella was always going to choose Edward even though Jacob was the easier and better choice. (Personally, she can have whiny/sexy/delicious Edward, I will take fine-as-hell Jacob off her hands) McDreamy belongs with Meredith despite having been married when first they met in that wonderful bar. Peyton and Lucas should be together even though I love Brooke more than the both of them combined. Logan and Veronica should have ended up together even though Piz was totally hot, Logan was just it despite his many flaws. Kelly most definately should have been with good-boy Brandon over the playa Dylan, I guess that whole thing just goes to show that even the best of us can't resist the bad boys...even when they're dating our pseudo-best friend Brenda.

In some cases I was absolutely right. Han and Leia got married and had lots of Jedi babies, Edward and Bella got jiggy with it and had Rosemary's baby, McDreamy and Meredith might just tie that knot pretty soon...

Other times I have been horribly mistaken. Kelly wound up preggers with ass-face Dylan's kid, and Ron married Hermione. Can anyone explain this to me? I'm not sure if I will ever get over the fact that the best character in Harry Potter married the worst. I mean, wtf?

Sometimes, I'm left hanging. I still don't know who Veronica chose because somebody had to go and cancel Veronica Mars. Buffy/Angel/Spike was pretty much left wide open. I will probably never know if Kate and Sawyer end up together. That would be too easy. And Peyton might die in childbirth so I'm leaving the possibility of a Lucas/Brooke reunion open.

Anyways, I couldn't tell you exactly why I feel that these people should be together. I can give proof both to prove my point and to the contrary. I can argue both cases. I'm not completely blind to the evidence there is that Dawson should be with Joey, I just disagree. Why, I don't know. I just do. Maybe it's some deep insight into my inner-psyche. Maybe the couples that I root for say something about myself. All I know is that in my mind, The Epilogue of Deathly Hallows does not exist and Harry and Hermione are happily married and in the process of making babies. And as long as it exists in my mind, I can disregard what anybody else says.

eternity was in our lips and eyes

At present, I am watching Slumdog Millionaire. This movie always has two huge affects on me:

1. I am very glad that I do not live like the slumdogs in India. Those people deserve so much more than sleeping in cardboard huts and washing their clothes in the sewer. The fact that there are people in this world who are still forced to live in such horrible conditions is disgusting. It's 2009. Why are there still people who live off of other people's trash?

2. Everyone should have something to live for. And personally, I think that there is still good in this world. And one day, I hope someone will love me as much as Jamal loves Latika. It is beautiful.

These thoughts lead me to the conclusion that people are stupid. Everyone is constantly complaining about meaningless nuisances when there is so many other things they could be doing. I mean shut up already. Stop complaining about the same crap all the time. Does it really matter? Will you really care in a few years? The answer is no. You won't care and it doesn't matter. The stupid little problems and the boring little complaints that everyone whines about every day don't matter. I bet that if everyone tried to find a REAL problem, they'd come up empty handed. Because for the most part, no one has anything to complain about and nothing is really that bad.

Nothing is ever as good or as bad as it seems.

How To Say Goodbye

leaving isn't quite the same, he said to me,
as running away
if you're scared or tired of what you're scared of
well, why should you stay?
he loved to say goodbye
and always counted out the time
until he was free, to get up and leave
to learn how to breath
again


slipping out to have a cigarette with someone else that he'd never met
ask her if by the way would she like to run away
and try to forget?
or just not to stay, to leave without saying why


to get up and go
to catch the last train
to get in some car
and drive out again
to never come back this way....
and have to say....
goodbye

-paul tiernan

the fire's out anyway

I wish that I wasn't so analytical.

My (I guess) ex-best friend has dropped all pretenses of being mad at me and is instead ignoring me. I should be angry, or upset, or something, but I just can't bring myself to care. Because, if I let myself care, I will be utterly useless as a person because I will be thinking of all the many things I've done to deserve this.

I'm not so stubborn that I can't admit that I might have a thing for him. However, I'm notoriously terrible at handling matters of the heart and so, I refuse to discuss it. This refusal, however, doesn't stop my stupid head from thinking.

In the final hour of my last year in high school, I have changed my mind completely about where I want to go to school. I've completely put aside Georgia State and settled on Georgia Southern. The fact that I like rural Statesboro much better than metro Atlanta says alot about myself. What it says, I don't know.

I want everything to work out. I want to avoid a confrontation at all costs. I would prefer if we just never talked about it. That's how friendships end, you know, quietly. Not with a bang, but a whisper. I want to go to prom with the person I want to go to prom with and I want it to be great. Chances are, nothing else about prom is going to be at all perfect, so I'd just like to have this one thing. I want to go to Southern and like it, and never leave there. I want my family to be proud of me and to approve.

I want all these things, and yet, I have no idea how to make them happen. I'm sure I'll figure something out.

Hit me baby. Just one more time.

Tonight I shall fulfill my lifelong dream of seeing Britney Spears in concert. I have wished and hoped for this day throughout most of my childhood. When I was younger, I WORSHIPPED her. I had Britney shirts, Britney hats, Britney CDs, Britney lunchboxes. I was a smaller, much simpler, much happier, version of the person I am now and I wanted to be Britney Spears.

However, I must admit that I was disillusioned. I would rather die than have that kind of pressure on me now. Like Britney, I would positively crack under the pressure. I think this is why I still loved her when she was crazy. I mean, who wouldn't go freaking crazy if you had her life? Really? So what if she went to the bathroom without shoes on? Who hasn't done that? And, I have often found myself wishing that I didn't have hair. So what if Britney actually did it? Two semi-marriages and two children later, she still kicks ass. Everyone makes mistakes people. Seriously.

While on the topic of disillusionment I must also admit to another quite large mistake I have made. I'm going to the concert with a group of friends that I've known for quite a while now. I love them, I really do. Recently, me and (pretty much the only sane one of the group) Callie had a discussion regarding the past and the people we know. I realized that my opinion of those people was based fully and what I believed to be true. Not fact, but my interpretation of events. However, like Britney, I have realized that maybe what I thought was fan-freaking-tastic, really just sucks. Maybe, the people you think you know aren't all that and a bag of Dharma chips. Maybe, they're really not at all anything like someone you would like. And if so, who are the people that I created that have my friend's face but are actually completely different? Do they exist at all? Or did I just pull the blindfold over my eyes and see something that wasn't there at all? In any case, I'm highly disappointed in myself. But hey, people make mistakes.

Anyway, I will be doomed to ponder the answers to these questions whilst speeding through Atlanta traffic trying to find a parking place, and later listening to the sounds of my childhood with entirely too much of Britney's new stuff thrown in. Nothing's ever as good as the origninal, is it?