the fire's out anyway

I wish that I wasn't so analytical.

My (I guess) ex-best friend has dropped all pretenses of being mad at me and is instead ignoring me. I should be angry, or upset, or something, but I just can't bring myself to care. Because, if I let myself care, I will be utterly useless as a person because I will be thinking of all the many things I've done to deserve this.

I'm not so stubborn that I can't admit that I might have a thing for him. However, I'm notoriously terrible at handling matters of the heart and so, I refuse to discuss it. This refusal, however, doesn't stop my stupid head from thinking.

In the final hour of my last year in high school, I have changed my mind completely about where I want to go to school. I've completely put aside Georgia State and settled on Georgia Southern. The fact that I like rural Statesboro much better than metro Atlanta says alot about myself. What it says, I don't know.

I want everything to work out. I want to avoid a confrontation at all costs. I would prefer if we just never talked about it. That's how friendships end, you know, quietly. Not with a bang, but a whisper. I want to go to prom with the person I want to go to prom with and I want it to be great. Chances are, nothing else about prom is going to be at all perfect, so I'd just like to have this one thing. I want to go to Southern and like it, and never leave there. I want my family to be proud of me and to approve.

I want all these things, and yet, I have no idea how to make them happen. I'm sure I'll figure something out.