The Climb

It's all about the climb. The climb up Miley Cyrus's stripper pole.

For everyone who didn't enjoy tonight's annual Teen Choice Awards, Imma hit you up with a recap. Pretty much, the Jo Bros (or as I like to say Sweetie Pie, Man Whore, and the Other One) were the hosts. I've seen better hosts in my day. They performed two times too many and flaunted the fact that everyone 16 and under really really really just want to touch them. I really do like the little one. He's probably the most respectable out of the lot. He's got the diabetus and he donates lots of money to fund research for a cure, which is awesome. Joe can suck it though. I got my girl T. Swizzle's back bitch. I really have no thoughts on the one who's getting married.

Let's see...Selena Gomez won something! Which made me smile because I enjoy everything she's in. And she has class. Unlike some people who shall remain nameless....Miley Cyrus! Chuck Bass was smokin' hot as per usual except he used his real voice which upped his sexiness if you ask me. Jacob Black is possibly the most delicious morsel on this earth. You go Selena. Get you some. Dane Cook was there. He made fun of Vanessa Hudgens. Zac Efron is good looking and won some awards. The Black Eyed Peas tore that shit up! Sean Kingston...not so much. He's really unattractive and he wasn't singing half the time.

Twilight won everything. Something like 1000000000 awards or something. To NO ONE'S surprise. I liked that movie, saw it a million times, but the book is MUCHMUCHMUCH better. (I'll take this time to politely ask America's teens to pick up a book. Thank you.) And, I have once and for all decided that Tay Lautner is sexier than R. Patz. That's right, I said it.

During the commercials, I decided that Glee might become the best show ever. I must see The Time Traveler's wife even though I will most likely cry a lot. Fringe is gonna be awesome this year. And, the new burgers at McDonald's creep me out.

This brings me to...Miley. Let me just say this just one time, that was uncalled for. It really was. You are like 16 homefry. When Britney was 16, she had class. (B. Spears totally dissed you btw even if you did use her name in that song) At first I thought I might like you, Miley. Then, I decided the snaggle tooth was too much. Then, I watched your Youtube channel and really thought that was too much. Then, I saw your video for The Climb and knew it was enough. You are Miley Cyrus and Hannah Montana. You sing, you (attempt to) dance, you (attempt to) act in movies and TV, and apparently you have your own clothing line at the Wal. I am almost positive that MK and Ash are disappointed. Kid moguls today. And did you see that totally inappropriate plunging neckline? Hello? And hot pants? You are not Beyonce, home girl. And Disney stars don't get nose rings.

In my day, our teen superstars had a bit of class and apparently knew a good orthodontist. This definately ain't a Nashville party, sugah.

(Note: "The Climb" by Miley Cyrus, who I am now reffering to as The Hot Mess.)