Last week, my last full week of high school, it finally hit me how much we have all changed. Situations have changed, people have changed, opinions have even changed. Some for the better, some for the worse. Change is an inevitable part of life. At one time in my life, I believed that I should resist change at all costs. You know, dig your heels into the ground and hang on for dear life. Eventually I learned to accept change and to deal with it because it sure as hell comes whether you're totally approving or not. I don't think it is possible for anyone to completely embrace change. It seems kind of...suspicious.
Anyways, this week taught me a lesson I won't soon forget. On Monday, me and Andrea decided to be friends again. This proved that even though we're both stubborn asses, we can get over it. Just another instance that proves friends can be the biggest bitches in the world to each other and still love each other the next hour but that's a story for a different day. On Tuesday, me and Callie went to eat with Katie and Jennie. It's really difficult to grasp the fact that we went to school together two freaking years ago. Seems like ages. I remembered everything we did together and all the inside jokes and all the funny things that happened. It was almost like going back in time except for I'm graduating in six days and Katie's turning 21 this year.
Thursday night, a group of us senior girls spent the night at my dad's house because he was out of town. We all talked and bonded and watched Grey's Anatomy and cried. It was really very sweet. Then we went to bed only to wak up and find that our cars had been trashed in the morning. I thought it was all very funny. To me, it meant that someone loved me enough to put Vaseline under my handles. It made me remember all the times I had rolled, trashed, painted, egged, etc. anyone's stuff. I almost cried. On Friday, CLASS members had to go babysit all of the elementary school kids at Field Day. I remembered when I had field day and how much I admired the high school kids that helped out. I always wanted to be one of those kids and now I was. It was weird for me. Then we all swam at Anna-Marie's and bonded and I managed to get Matt's paper to the school just in time.
As I was leaving that school, for the last time as a real student, it all kind of seemed surreal to me. Like something out of a movie. I had a group hug with Cha Bowen and Matt in the hallway and literally broke down. One day this week, I heard Mrs. Bagwell asking her sophomores what the hallway adverb was and I couldn't help but say "silently" with a smile. This week, I had dinner with old friends who seemed more like friends I'd never stop being friends with. Maybe I never did. I made up with Andrea and now I don't feel like such an asshole. I went out to eat for a new friend's birthday and had the best time. Whether it be new friends, old friends, friends I had been fighting for, or people that I barely spend time with, this week I loved every single one of them. It finally hit me that it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter where you go to college or what you do with your life or anything. It doesn't matter if you don't keep in touch but once every blue moon. A friend is a friend.
Change happens. Sometimes its a slap in the face. Sometimes it sneaks up on you. Sometimes you see it coming. Last night, sitting beside Anna-Marie's pool like I've done for years now, it slowly seeped into my brain. You can be horrible to someone. You can open up completely to someone even when you have trust issues. You can have your heart ripped from your chest. You can spend an hour talking in the rain and not notice. You can ignore your friend for months. You can make new friends if you let yourself. You can learn a lesson from a five year old. You can spend your whole life trying to control yourself. You can let loose completely. You can do all these things, with different people, at different times, and years from now, you can go back there even if everything is different at the present.
Change touches everything, it seems. However, you can't alter friendship and you can't alter emotions. They are always there. All you have to do is find them.
(Note: From now on, I've decided that all of the titles to my blog posts will also be the titles of songs that I like and that are appropriate to the subject matter. Title comes from a song by Sam Cooke.)
No comments:
Post a Comment